Wednesday, April 30, 2008

new research~

i wonder if this is actually working?  it is not clear to me from the article if they are still hypothesizing or have actually got an answer....
argh!  so frustrating!  (but fascinating!)
let me know what you all know...,373904.shtml.

you can also go to their website at:

to be honest, pharmaceutical companies make me incredibly nervous with their "promises and leaps and bounds and hopes and dreams and...." 
you get the picture.  
and they'll probably rape our savings accounts with their like, $10,000 shot or whatever.  ha!
but who knows?  the 'fact sheet' section of the site was quite interesting.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

my boyfriend thinks my beta cells

so the other day i say to matthew, "my sugar is WHACKED."  and he says, "no, you're my sugar mama!"  i tell him "sugar mama" now means a whole new thing.  
              (by the way, i'm NOT his sugar mama.) 
but then he tells me, "hey, i think you have SEXY beta cells!"
sexy?  what does this mean?  
how can my confused, frustrated, overworked beta cells be sexy?  

maybe it has something to do with that chicken i baked...

Saturday, April 26, 2008

pulling me up by the hair...with blueberries~

so i had a dream last night about my best teenage friend.  but i must first introduce you to something that really happened between us:
     we were at the beach (i grew up on the east coast; no, there are no beaches in new mexico...well, it's one big beach.)
*sigh* anyway:
      so we were at the beach wading in the sea, and i guess i was looking at something and then fell over, or was just paddling about and then this wave crashed.  she got all freaked out and thought i was drowning, so she grabbed my hair and pulled me up!  right out of the sea by my hair!  
      the point of my tale is coming.
so last night i had this dream where she and i were talking and i said, 
"oh, i think i have low blood sugar."  she replies, 
"well, take one of those lifesavers."
i do.
and you know what?
mmmmm, blueberry!

so THEN i wake up, i sit up and realize i really do feel low blood sugar! (it was only 4 in the morning, folks.)
so i test myself and ta-da!  it's like, 59.  ugh

but alas!  no blueberry lifesavers!  only o.j.

funny though, it was like those dreams where you need to pee really bad so you start looking for a bathroom and then, hopefully, when you do, you wake-up (wake-up! don't pee on yourself!) to actually do your thing. thank god for potty training. 

 it was like she 'saved' me once again---only this time, with blueberry lifesavers instead of pulling me up by my hair. 

well, thank god brain on honeymooning?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

how ironic~

so we had to pick a research topic for my native american studies class.  i chose diabetes.  here's the hysterical catch:

i chose it before i got diagnosed.

how funny?  maybe my body knew deep down that it would be such an...interesting topic to research for this semester.
      talk about a pre-emptive strike.   

of course, it's type 2 that my research focuses on.   which gets me thinking,
 "why are so many people (in general) starting to get type 1 now?" 
it makes you wonder what the heck is going on in the environment and our food.  

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

denise faustman may be mother teresa reincarnated as a doctor

dr. denise faustman is this awesome immunologist-researcher at harvard.  she's spent her time in the lab trying to find cures for autoimmune disease.  

she just got her clinical trials approved in march for trying out the BCG vaccine (a tried-and-true tB drug) as a type 1 diabetes cure!  
it's cheap!
it's safe!
it uh,
worked in mice!


animal models don't always work on humans (about a 50/50 chance...sometimes less!)

oh well, but this woman is a saint if it does work because it'll be like....getting vaccinated against myself.  er, i mean my tonya t-cells who can't stop attacking poor peabody's betas.  what should i call 'beta'?  barry?  bartholomew?  bernadette?

the vaccine'll be like guantanomo bay for t-cell (real) terrorists. 
(if only we knew when to draw the line....)

actually, this woman'll be a saint just for tryin'.   she calls it re-educating the confused t-cells.
(how very...rumsfield-y of her!)  

either way friends, look up "dr. denise faustman type 1 diabetes"  on google news and you will see all sorts of wonderful articles pop up about this incredible woman.      

Monday, April 21, 2008

given the state of things~

i was re-reading my journal last night because i was interested in how i'd been feeling over the last few months and how that was all spilling onto those pages.  

*sigh* i love journals.  they really remind you of where you were at in some point in your life.  as long as you're honest, of course.

so i was reading it, and realizing how bad it was!  i was wondering why my vision was blurry ("i'm tired...i study too late and too hard...")  "why can't i stop peeing?!"  "i'm thirsty"....the list goes on.  hey, who can think straight with a blood sugar of nearly 800?  who knows, let me tell you, who knows how we get by.

but i do.  and i always do.  and for that, i am grateful.  oh ya, people can tell you all sorts of things like why they think you survive.  but i'm gonna let you in on something.  

for me, it's because i just refuse to be a loser.  and i've lost my fair share of shit.  but i don't feel like ever giving up.  especially when in the past i felt surrounded by people that gave up on themselves, or the relationships that usually matter most...there always seems to be a better reason, as tiny as it may seem, to go on.  

so that's why i'm learning guitar.  and still writing poetry in little green notebooks.  and burning my oven out from all those recipes i like to try out.  i also read a few books  a month (and not just for school!) and make people laugh that take themselves waaaaay too seriously in my classes (and believe me, some of those anthropology people take themselves waaaay too seriously.)
  i think it's important to keep trying new things, even when new things (like diabetes) come and try you out. 
   at most, it'll keep you passionately in love with things like french toast and toddler's feet.  
                  at least, it'll keep the wrinkles and alzheimer's at bay.  

Sunday, April 20, 2008


 this morning i finally woke up with a normal blood sugar!  (it's usually really low and you can find me wobbling my way into kitchen to slam into the fridge and guzzle o.j.)

whew hooo!  103!

and i've not needed insulin yet today; thanks to what is called a honeymoon phase. 
it's not really a great thing, though, folks.  honeymooning is when newly diagnosed type 1's secrete a bit of insulin still...usually before their pancreas completely poops out.  i can just picture peabody:
"waitwaitwait! i can doooooooo it!!!  here's some, just a little!"
like he's wringing a dry towel or something, poor fella.
 (hey, i'm milking this time for all it's worth, though, so gimme a break.) 

plus, exercise helps the body in glucose uptake (just like insulin does) so a little help to the muscles goes a long way.  
   hey!  and i gained all my weight back!  i'm not 90lbs anymore!  i'm back to....108!  

i know, i know.  it may not seem like a big deal to a skinny gal, but hey, i'm holding onto my cellulite for dear life at this point!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

type one humor~

my friend mimi and i love to laugh in this hysterical way.  everyone should have one of those deep, breathless laughs at least once a week like we do.  shortly after i was diagnosed,  we were driving somewhere and cracking jokes about how mad people get when they're driving.  they do these ridiculous things to make their point---you know, flip you the bird and what not.  so our new thing is this: when people get mad,  just yell, "hey man, what's your problem? you gotta bum beta?" 

it's all about the cake~

at this point, my friends, it's all about the cake. 
when can we have it, how much can we have, and what kind it'll be.

chocolate for me, thanks.

but *sigh*
having that stupid piece of cake is uh, no cake walk.

you should've seen my sugar when i did! whew!
so i'm still trying to figure the whole "live normally" [but not] part of type one diabetes.  everyone tells you that you can eat what you want...."as long as you account for it with insulin."   and believe me, i eat really healthy.  
but geeeez, no cake? ever?
   i could always head over to prakash's restaurant and have vegan carob spelt cake. 

for some reason, it just doesn't umm, sound the same...
  i think i'll go make some green tea.  
  (too bad it's not a hallucinogenic, eh?)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

oh ya, and why peabody?

my original visualization:
      dearest peabody-the-pancreas is running to the finish line attempting to complete his insulin production run.  he wears a lovely top hat and long jacket.
      terrifying tonya [harding] t-cell is on his 'tail' and takes her gold figure skate off to slice our sweet insulin-making man into smithereens.
     aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand peabody thinks he can make it, but alas, for now he is forced out of the insulin production line and into what i am calling fearful hibernation. or running with his tail between his legs? well, at least for now. 
      that is, until his friend nancy niacinamide and gary green tea can act like the mafia asshole antioxidants they are.  cos you know, the mafia likes suits, too.  
       so i saw my naturopathic physician yesterday (the most awesome woman) and she thought the idea of turning peabody into a badass-tophat-wearing-gun-toting-t-cell attacking...(wait, re-educator is what i will call him) is a good idea.  
       go peabody!  cross that finish line!  we don't want no bum betas!  
                     [insert heavy middle-eastern accent here.]

a word to the worried~

i realize that many people may begin reading my new blog and say "she suggests the book 'the diabetes cure'?! she does realize she has type one diabetes, right?"
   yessssssssssssss, there is no cure for type one diabetes, friends.  i am insulin dependent.  but i want to emphasize how important diet is for all people living and breathing.  it makes me incredibly sick how we eat in this country.  let me tell you, especially after you see the way the poor are essentially forced to eat....well, i can hardly breathe when i eat around people who actually choose bad diets having no notion of their biochemical pathways.
  maybe that sounds arrogant.  but i just want people to understand that i've always taken food seriously.  i really do believe that our food truly is our first line of defense against illness.  when you hear me saying this, you may be thinking, "well then why did you get diabetes, hmmmmm??"    
 i get it.  but i also have no idea why i did.  that is why people need to read 'when bad things happen to good people'.  because you know, sometimes, there just isn't a reason.  no lesson, no punishment, no reward.  it just is what it is.  and as kushner tells us in his book, 
        'we should not be asking , "why me?" but rather, "now that this has  happened to me, how am i going to make it meaningful?" '
 that's where i'm at right now.  as you learn about me, hopefully you will see this evolution.  either way, good health is key to all good life, no matter who you are.   

Monday, April 14, 2008

littlebird gets the worm

so it was march 6th, 2008 and i finally went in to see the doc at the student health center.  i thought, "hey i liked this lady.  she was sweet and talked about taking cello lessons while she lived in africa.  she gets me."  
dr. spencer takes her little spectacles off and leans in: 
"emily, you've got diabetes."
i think i slumped down.  no, i grabbed the seat.  no, i think i threw my hands on my head in that way everyone tells me i do when i can't believe something.  i do remember saying, "WHAT?" 
"frankly, i can't believe you're sitting here in front of me like this.  how'd you get here?"
"my bike."
"you biked here?"  she just stares at me.
"ya! i have been feeling a little slower than usual."  
        from there i was taken to the ER (where the guy who checked me in said warmly, "oh, i see! too many snickers, eh?"  hey, a girl's gotta laugh.  especially one that can't even remember the last time she ate a snickers.
        then came the admission.  no, not learning to admit that i was now insulin-dependent.  the part where they keep you in a room called the flow room for hours (go with the flow?) before they formally admit you into the room where you really need to know how to go with the flow.  before i knew it, i was handed my new life and back at home a changed woman.  
       i now like to think of myself as being "supercharged with insulin."