Thursday, October 23, 2008

heating up~

i've been thinking the last few days (well, i've always been a "heavy thinker", not drinker, haha.)
i've realized some things regarding our human state of feeling inadequate.  
this year, literally from january 1st, i've felt so emptied.
and i don't necessarily mean that in a bad way.
i feel opened, and lighter (well, maybe i am, as i try to gain my weight back!)
but really, it's been an eye-opener.  i look around and see everyone taking everything for granted. 
which we do a lot of in this country, no?  but it's truly hit me how i was no different.
oh, i thought i was.  i thought, "these are my goals, these are good things that i want."
and they were! 
i've never wanted cash, or a big house, or fame, or lots of friends.  really, ask anybody.
i only wanted to be able to say that i really lived. that i cared for others, that i traveled, that i ate yummy foods, laughed a lot, read a lot, learned languages, sang songs, licked snowflakes out of the air...
what i mean is, it's taken me this long to realize that all of this, this teeny-tiny life, this is it.
this really is it.
and i've been acting like i was working up to it.  
my life has been happening while i planned it!
where have i been?
matthew said to me the other day, "you're still gonna do everything you've dreamt of doing for the world.  just remember, your dreams don't define you.  you define your dreams."
that's why we can be flexible, that's why we can open up and change.
that's why we can move on.

1 comment:

abqdancediva said...

That's beautiful Emu. This is a good thing for all of us to remember. I am so proud of you; I have seen you change so much in the last few months. I have always thought you were an awesome person and felt greatful to have you as a friend and it is awesome to see you changing and growing into an even more amazing person. I hope more of us learn what you have. Keep up the heavy thinking! :-)

Much love,
Mimi