Wednesday, December 31, 2008

for new year's~

still working on my resolutions, but so far: 

-to train for a 5k (baby steps people, baby steps!)
-finish my massage doula certification.
-maybe make a bebe.
-actually agree on a name for that maybe-bebe with matthew (malcolm, zaida, oliver, aziza, francis, penelope, samantha, ohmeohmy why so many girls' names?  ah!  did i mention i had a baby dream---with a perfect little girl!)
-edit my current stories and submit? 
-make all of my cleaning and yummy home supplies myself.  (maybe get the women's co-op going?)
-have the best herb garden i can imagine.
-figure out what the hell i'm doing after graduation, now that med school's on hold.  (hey, it's not like, yipeeee! i graduated!  now let's go... make a baby! haha.)

for new year''s eve, we are having a hip little shindig at my friend's house.  we are making homemade pizza with lots of lovely toppings, a film, games, music, vino and champagne.  
my sista and i started the dough last night---soaked and sprouted whole wheat---to 'release all of the nutrients'. you too, can make a wholesome pizza dough for friends and fam. 

best of the year as you open it anew with hope and love,


welcome to waking up~

i have been wanting to start a confession section on my blog.  just like i have poetry, i want to share some funny (and not so funny) confessions.  some are just me getting it out, others are to laugh at, er, with.

first off, i cannot see as well as i used to.  i know that's a banal statement to make; eck, we're all getting older aren't we?  but this ever-so-slight lack of clarity since getting diagnosed has really gotten to me.  i guess this is not much a confession, as it is a statement of fact.  they checked my eyes, even had me see an opth, due to the terrible temporary blindness from the sorbitol i experienced for about a month after insulin was reintroduced.  "everything is fine", they said. "everything is fine."
but this bothers me.  maybe it really is just 'old age' starting (yikes! ha!)  but wow, this is truly the first time in my life i've 'felt my age.'  
cliche as it sounds, to me age is truly just a number i take no heed of.  
guess i just thought i'd go til i dropped.  i literally almost uh, did this year! 
that or one day, i'd happen upon myself in a hallway mirror and see my wrinkles and the reflections of my grandchildren's photos staring back at me from the wall behind me. 
maybe it'll hit me then. 


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

truly wishing you the best holiday~

as this year wraps up, i hope all of you who touch base with me through blogging and in general have a healthy, whole, happy holiday.  i often think during christmastime how the coming year will be.  last year, little did i know that peabody (my pancreas) had finally begun his rapid downward spiral.
sniff. sniff.
but you know, as fast as 2008 has gone by, i am filled with so much gratitude at how much i have grown, changed, evolved, accepted, rejected, opened and closed many doors and windows in my life.  while one aspect of what we define as 'healthy' in my life appears to have shut down, other aspects have opened making me more healthy, more happy, more ways others will never know unless they embrace their lives just as they are: broken, confused, diseased, empty...only to realize these are merely cycles that allow us to empty ourselves of the waste, only to be filled and renewed with new truths, new joy, new hope. 

to paraphrase derrick jensen, sometimes you need to lose that, you are holding out for change to occur within something (or someone) that inherently cannot or will not change. 
make a new hope. make a new year. 

much love and peace to all of you, 

Sunday, December 21, 2008

warning: thinking too hard may be bad for the blood~

i realized this last week that as long as i keep watch over my body and try, really try to just 'go with the flow' (don't flip out here, i know sometimes we don't have a choice) my sugar is well,
way awesome
no, i am not bragging.  it's just that this week, i was forced (as is usual of this year, i think) to deal with my biology finals, finding a friend in serious poverty and then move him in right before that final, preparing a dinner party for 20 people the day after that final that was only planned for 10 (!) and all the while being steady and gentle with myself about the possibility that my sugar was gonna be seriously crappy this week. 
funny, it's been great. 
and i think it's because i checked as often as i usually do, but i just took good care by continuing to eat well and try to focus on those around me.  i know that sounds a bit nutty...
"focus on others and your sugar will be fine", but what i'm trying to convey is that sometimes maybe we need to just...take care of business and the rest will follow.
so it's been an insane weekend, no less. i'm still trying to figure out what to do to assist my friend in the best way possible, but also have a relaxing holiday before school begins again. 
i never asked for an easy life, eh?  
and you know what?  as tired as i get of all the problems that we must all face in this life, 
so far it's been a blast!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

keep it tight/loosen up a little~

blood sugar, that is.  
well, i do hate standing up from inversions in yoga because it doesn't matter what pants you wear or how skinny your ass is, it always seems that...well, you get the idea.

as i was saying about "tight" (ah-hem): 
got my A1c back: it was 6%.  i actually had somebody say to me, "how tight are you trying to keep it?"  
wellwellwell.  let me just tell you; as tight as a baby needs it.  
(no, i am not pregnant.)
let me say that one more time: 
no, i am not pregnant.

but really, it got me thinking about how this battle is every. single. day.
"the bloodsugar battle."
you know what i'm talking about, the one where you're like, "OHMYGOD!! my numbers are soooooo bad!"
but then you look at them and realize that you just spent your whole day worrying about how they might be bad.
then you get your A1c back and maybe it was good, maybe it was not. but hey, you're still kickin', right?  so no, it couldn't have been as bad as you thought.
so it's not only about battling the hectic daily lives we all lead, and keeping good control in the mathematical, quantitative, physical sense, but on some level - more importantly - lightening the hell up about the 'blood sugar battle' going on emotionally in ourselves. 
that's me in a nut shell.  

now, i realize i'm only about 9 months into this disease (i'm about to give birth to my diababy blues!) no really, i'm still watching my endogenous function go bye-bye, right?
but i also have realized that this is really it.
i read some awesome advice the other day about 'diabetes burn out' and how to avoid it; how to make life worth all of the little things it is so worth (cause it is, like, duh).
it was pretty straightforward advice---you've heard it before to be sure, so don't hassle me about its lack of originality, haha. 
but the truth is my friends, we all need to learn to leave good enough alone. 
you got the number.  it was only a number. fix it high or low. take a long look at that beautiful face of yours and go celebrate. 

because ya, maybe your immune system decided to do 'operation  pancreatic freedom' on that little organ beneath your stomach and small intestine, but you are not your pancreas.  and neither is your life, because it's yours and no one else is livin' it.  our own, unique, individual lives:  no one can ever take that away. 

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

hey, did you grow that radish subversively?

if you agree, this little info sheet just might be for you. 
it's got the awesome "food not bombs" logo on it (which i understand is not copyrighted and ok to use for such purposes). 
i made it for a class on the anthropology of nutrition and food movements quite a while back.
it's about keeping it simple. 
it's about basics. 
it's about urban gardening, and is geared towards college students, little kids, and first time real-food, plant-growers. 
it also has some embarrassing typos and items specific to albuquerque ("quirky burque") but you get the idea.  white it out and type in your own local food network info!
try it out, 
print it out, 
hand it out as a flyer!
it just might excite, enthuse and change you and your neighbor. 
it's two sided, and ohpleasedon'ttelltheagribusiness.  they might come for little bird cos her feathers are too puffy and ruffled. 

amazing yum~

this, oh this,
my friends, is amazing. 
found this gal's blog the other day because i'm trying to put together my recipe book better.  
whew!  i love coconut milk and oil in my general cooking (thanks for the introduction, bestie mimi!)
but wow
chocolate coconut milk ice cream?  
need i say more?  i never even thought of it as an alternative to the problems i was having with lactose ( a sugar, duh) in my baking endeavors as a type 1. 
i mean, thanksgiving went really well, but some things are difficult for me still, as i don't know how to work in some of my more eclectic and rich recipes from the past. 
of course, you must like coconut when substituting, i guess...  but i'll have to ask my friend (who's not big on coconut) if she thinks she can taste it in things such as this.  haha, she's a good 'control group' member whenever i'm cooking. ;)
however, i really love this gal's site because of her intense support of local and slow food movement activism, and the nourishing traditions family cooking philosophy.
right on! 
i started by growing my own herbs and lettuces a few years ago when my own eyes were opened to the importance of these "critical social issues".  i love her blog because all of the recipes appear simple and straightforward, but most importantly, centered upon true whole foods family health. 
hmmmmmmm, i should post my basic urban gardening guide (targeting college students) for all of you to see, print, and subversively post! 

poetry: how to be kind~

listen, touch people. space. place. presence.
bring your eyes close without erasing the individual.
open, smile. be genuine. take interest. create.
have faith, don't worry. your worry only turns to mistrust.
laugh, manufacture none of your feelings; taste them.
stop arguing and absorb.
speak softly, live loudly.

don't let your pain live for you;
live knowing others are also in pain.
be deep without forcing people into your depths.
dive into the messy, muddy waters of the world, 
only to find water lily roots at the bottom. 
ponder the truth of ugliness, 
but only feed on the promise of unexpected beauty. 

gain from understanding and surprise;
that which can make you most uncomfortable.
listen to your silence, 
it is often your own voice drowning you out. 
become pregnant with your old surroundings 
and you will give birth
to new light.