Thursday, June 26, 2008

how this works~

sometimes,

at the end of the day, 


i just want my pancreas back.

Monday, June 23, 2008

deceptive desserts~

ohmygod.

    i've made some really amazing treats.  folks, i'm only sharing this because, well, it was worth like, 3 grams of carbohydrate!  you don't even need insulin! yahoo!
    so here it goes.  i got onto about.com's lowcarbdiet thing---NOT because i eat a low carb diet, but you know, with type 1 it's like, "um, no i do not want to take 6 units of insulin for that piece of cake..."
so i found their dessert section, and yumyumyum!!!  i made homeade peanut butter cups (with cocoa!) and brownies, and coconut raspberry muffins! yaaay!  treats!  
    i didn't use splenda,  because splenda freaks me out.  i used stevia, a plant.  i may look into erythritol  (a sugar alcohol) but because i'm a naturalgeek, i've gotta take a closer look at the molecular make-up.  
  the real key with these treats is that there is no sugar or white flour used, instead things like flax meal, almond flour, and coconut flour.  also, unsweetened coco sweetened with something like stevia or berries.  yum!  (i can't stop saying that)  they're great midday snacks, so you can have your major carbohydrate content filled with insulin needs at actual meals.   so great!  

Friday, June 20, 2008

quantum leap~

i have the cutest internist.  his name's scott.  he's a resident.  nonono, he's not cute in that way, i don't have a crush on him.  i have a 'hug' attraction to him because he's so warm and friendly.  he was so awesome to me in the ER the night i got diagnosed in march.  
 it's two in the morning, and he plops down in the squeaky chair beside my skinny ass and says, 
"hi!  you're my first patient!"
"what?!  you mean your first patient?"
 shit!  i'm thinking.
"of the night, girl!" he says, laughing. 
"whoa!" he says, looking at my chart.
"have you got an adjustment to make!"  
 
the next day, scott asked me to be his... patient. *sigh*.  

haha.  so, anyway, scott says the other day that "i'm his little star" and that i'm doing awesome.  

man, that makes me feel so good to have people let me know that i'm probably not gonna die young of kidney failure and amputations and blindness and heart disease.   

i love you peabody!  keep giving me your 20%! 

Saturday, June 14, 2008

gratitude tea~

i've had some pretty crazy sugars today (most likely due to my monthly cycle beginning)  yaaay! hormones are fun!
but i am grateful today.  i will tell you why.  

because this type 1, this beast i thought was going to be the thing that got me, this frustrating set of numbers and feelings and lines and doses and cold spikes that have injected themselves into my daily life have taught me something: 
i can live!  
i look around and know that i am alive in a way that i cannot describe.  
my dearest friends and i were at the indigo girls concert last night at our local zoo, and i was looking around at all of the people there.  of course, everyone was filling up on carbs. haha.

but it made me listen more. laugh more.  pay attention to the fact that i have everything i need now.  i can taste everything in a way i never did.  i can smell everything ever more deeply.  my dreams and hopes mean something more than a goal on the timeline of my life.  in some ways, this 'disease' has become my daily reminder that i am not promised every day if i am unkind to my body. unlike most people who think their bad habits will never catch up to them---even if it is only their bad mood---i know that i will reap what i sow.  
and i want to sow seeds of joy and whole food and all of the promises i made to myself as a young adult that i would never, ever, ever, ever give up no matter what happened to me or what people thought of me.  

so here i am.  grateful as i have never been before that i can live and breathe and eat and laugh and laugh at a world full of beautiful people who can't get past themselves. 
 wake up!  our pain is not so great as to forget to see the earth at our feet, the people in front of us that we may never get to meet again.  

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

whenallyourhairisfallingoutandyourboyfriendstillthinksyou'resexy~

my hair is officially falling out.

yes, i am having a major moment of vanity.  

you see, i'm not a made-up make-uppy kind of gal. i don't even know how to use a hair dryer. and i can barely remember to shave my legs.  (whew! and i'm middle-eastern, so does it show!) my boyfriend calls me 'spike.'  
(that wasn't a joke.)

anywho, but my hair!  my lovely dark hair!  it was ok that it was going gray, like, bad.  but it was silvery!  and long! and, my boyfriend thought it was... sexy!  

ok, i'm one of those annoying lucky gals who could have hair growing on her ears and her boyfriend would still think she was sexy.  (you know the type:  "it's what on the inside that counts!")  and does he mean it!

but now this.  this "telogen effluvium"  crappola.  what the hell?!  i start taking insulin and my hair cycle stops?!  i didn't even know there was a hair cycle!  guess i missed that incredible class when it was offered at my university...

i read on some sites that once my metabolic system snaps out of the 'shock' it's in right now (snap out of it! you've got your insulin now!!!) that it will "re-enter" the growth cycle of the "hair cycle."  oh dear god, funfunfun.  ladies, tell me now whether or not i'm in for a long life of sad, stringy, patchy, pathetic hair or not.  
i promise, i can handle it.   hey, in any case, my boyfriend'll still think i'm sexy.  maybe he'll start calling me  "spikey string on a syringe."   



Wednesday, June 4, 2008

the truth sets you free~

today, my brother got diagnosed with type 1.  i just got diagnosed this march.  not too weird, eh?  both siblings get diabetes?

we're adopted.

folks, there's some disturbing results to the research i've been doing.  the only thing my brother and i have in common is this:  we both joined the military in 1999 and both got diagnosed in 2008.  coincidence?  i beg to differ.

 according to research by dr. john classen (and many others)  there is evidence of vaccine-induced type 1 diabetes amongst military members at an alarming rate.  however, because most members do not get diagnosed until they have been out of the service for a few years, they don't make the connections.  like us. 
      i was ready to accept my diagnosis as "it is what it is", bad luck, hell, i even thought it was 'environmental.'   however,  i cannot stand by and see an entity inject unknowing members with unstudied vaccines and then claim no negligence under the Feres Doctrine and it's "sovereign immunity."  people offer their lives for a small group of individuals who just want bigger cars, marble countertops, private jets... and their own free healthcare.   and what do they get in return?  missing limbs, lives, and now, pancreases.  god knows what else.  
     for a long time i've been involved in health justice and revolution.  the wrong people just lit a fire under my ass, and they're not gonna hear the end of it until people are better educated and informed about the need for vaccine safety, veteran justice, unjust wars, pathological corporations, and the never-ending need to take from those with so little already.   

Monday, June 2, 2008

diababy~

i've been reading some literature on type 1 diabetic women and the incidence of premature menopause.  uh-oh.  the peri-menopausal phase tends to begin around age 35 (instead of 40.)  that's like 5 or 6 years earlier than the average!  bummerrrrrrrr.
    i don't know if many of you know this, but i'm turning 28. i'm in my last year of pre-med and boy, did type 1 throw my plans off track, eh?  i want to go to medical school and i'm 28, which is fine. but i'm all this and type 1 now.  i don't care about age, i'm all for trying anything and everything you want when you want to.  
     such as, i can picture myself at the age of eighty taking up the uh....tuba or something strange.  or writing a children's book illustrated by a long lost love.  or hiking mt. kilimanjaro.  (ok, maybe i won't physically be able to do that, but anyone who knows me, knows i'll try.)
    my point is, my internist told me it'd be best to make a flip: have the kiddos first, and then go to medical school.  he said this is to ensure that i'm giving pregnancy my best shot, rather than at like, 35.  
but wow! this is quite the news!  whew! the adjusting that needs to be done.  but you know something?  it's all small stuff.  really, i'm not just saying that.  it's like, hey!  i'm still here!  i'm still kickin'!  i can be GUMBY!  dammit, i am beyond gumby-like now.  
      i'm lucky in that i have a superman partner in life.  i'd like that guarantee of at least trying when my eggs are still jumping around happily waiting for matthew's uh...well, you get the idea.  these are all the eggs i've got!  no chances on turnin'  into the rio grande here.
      i wonder why there is not more information in general on type 1 diabetes and women.  and certainly type 1 and pregnancy.  i was not able to participate, but the way cool peeps at Diabetes Talkfest had dr. lois jovanovic (who is a type 1 endo) on to discuss the former.  she has a new book coming out this month on diabetes and pregnancy.   it's on amazon, but she told everyone in the forum it's written for all women, not just physicians!  yaaay!  user friendly reading!  
       well, i'd love to hear from other type 1 gals/moms/friends or anyone who knows about healthy type 1 pregnancies that can tell me something other than  "as long as you have tight control, you'll be fine..."  details!  and being the science geek i am, preferably statistics and ideas and all that good stuff we latch onto when trying to learn about this disease!   i'm still sad that i'll be considered 'high risk'.  i was all about prenatal yoga and a homebirth!  yaya, call me a hippie, but i've never wanted to be hooked  up to all kinds of machines and drips and having strange doctors wearing mean eyeglasses glaring at my vulva and screaming "PUUUUUUUSH!!"  (what the? ) only to have them cut you because they're gonna miss their flight to brazil.
oh dear god.  i'm gonna need a really great doula.