Friday, January 23, 2009

much ado about nothing~

type 1 has really taught me a lot about stress.  i thought i'd developed some good stress relievers in my life, but whew! to have this strange (somewhat ridiculous) window into my bodily, it'll either help or hinder, eh?  i mean, it's like, "wow!  this could really educate me!"  some of my closest friends are naturally curious about their blood sugar now that they have a full-on practitioner of blood-letting around them all the time.  but sure, we check it, i get to steam for a few minutes about their perfect 90 right after they ate a bag of m&m's, and voila! they get to see how awesome it is to have a working pancreas.
but i digress. 
no, really, it is an interesting window we type 1's have.  however, insulin resistance is no fun.  i was all upset the other day because i've been having to do my yoga in my room because, for various strange reasons that i will not get into, i cannot do it like a normal person in my own living room.  i kept nearly hitting my feet on bookshelves and the ceiling fan (no, i am not that tall, but you know how you act even when you think you might hit your foot on something.) anyway, i was all upset and telling my friend about my higher sugars and terrible crashes and my stress with this current non-living room yoga- too many people in my house (wink, wink) situation.  i  think her response really summed it up for me that day: 

"you're stressed and now you're resisting your insulin and now you're getting stressed about getting stressed and resisting your insulin even more."


but i daresay, the girl has a point.  she basically said to me, "you're stressed about getting stressed!"

i'm-a-tryin' here, people!  it is so hard, though, i won't lie.  i am as healthy as they come, my docs tell me.  i get crap all of the time for "how tight i'm trying to keep it"....but i must tell you, stress is, and always has been my enemy.  i used to go-go-go, live on adrenaline (i was a military medic) and love complex classes, books, and being outside.  believe it or not, i've actually become quite even-keeled the last few years, so thank god i've learned to manage it.  
plus, i despise drama.  just freakin' say what you're trying to say to me.  heck, even yell or spit. but, the second you expect me to read your mind or put up with moody crap, i'm over and out.  just trying to stay conversationally afloat here.
but none of this changes my initial reaction.  i still become a temporary mess.  so anywho, i guess i'm just trying to get it out there that i'm frustrated this week that all of my stress-reduction habits have not really reduced anything; i've actually only seen an increase---in my averages!  now, they're not horrible, but okay, okay. i'm a bit of a perfectionist with this beast, and get mad when it shows anything greater than a thirty day 120 average on my monitor....
shoot me now, you're thinking, eh?  
ya, littlebird's got a lot to learn.  

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