Monday, February 16, 2009

open up wide~

whew!  i am seriously starting to get overwhelmed with trying to make a decision about what to do after i graduate in may.  i have so many options, which i am trying to view as a positive thing; it would be really snobby of me not to acknowledge the fact that having my bachelor's is opening up a lot of roads for me, regardless of however i might feel about those roads.
sigh, "the road not taken", right? 
such as:
-i could do grad school in community health.  this is  a nice option considering how much i loved doing it in africa; let alone the possibilities regarding disease management model design, educating marginalized communities to empower themselves....however, it will take almost 3 years; therefore pulling me away from my true love (sorry, matthew): clinical medicine.  hands on, people! 

-matt's mom suggested grad school in social work.  this was actually appealing because it really is hands-on in that i could work in a hospital, helping families in emotionally and financially difficult situations to access the proper networks and resources.  however, it also would take 3 years (i'm trying to plan for a kid, people!!) be entirely full-time, and again: it's still not treatment based; i really like medicine!!

-the 'nurse to doctorate in family medicine' track.  this one seems to appeal to me the most because i could take the fast track to a second bachelor's (in nursing, of course, but wow! the advisor informed me it would only take me a bit over a year!  ah-hem, this is all because i took the entire pre-med track, arrrrrgh! then i could just apply to the schools i like that carry the doctorate for family nurse practitioners after we start a little fam-fam.  oi!  but here's a problem:  how will i continue in my love of natural therapeutics studies? i guess there's always ceu's....
but bend-bend-bendable birdy!  i always find a way, since i'm self-taught in most things au naturale medecine, haha.

    i have no idea why i just blogged about this, lol.  maybe because it's why i've not been an 'interesting blogger' of late.  gosh, in this economy, with this disease, with these academic concerns...i know i'm not the only one!  i know i could do a multitude of things and be happy; that's just the kind of person i am.  i don't complain a lot, i love people, and i love to learn.  i do hate being bored, being around overly negative people that have no reason to be, and not feeling like i'm doing something meaningful.  that's why i like medicine so much: you get to be really present to people. 
     but it's been hard this year, i won't lie.  i'm so glad i've learned to become a tree the last few years; we really are meant to be like them: strong but swaying.  having to truly learn the art of flexibility and compromise...all while finding a way to stay true to professional and personal goals.  it was nice to find out before going to med school this fall though, as that would've royally sucked ass to have to be making decisions like, "should i stay or should i go?  all the while thinking, 'jesus h.christ, do you even know how hard i worked to get here?!"  
    now i'm happy to just be re-thinking and re-organizing my life so that i can do everything like having kids, managing my type 1, studying medicine, and still make time for travel, humanitarian work, language studies, dancing, and learning the harmonica! 

1 comment:

mori said...

mmm, i feel your pain my dear. so many options,but which is the "right" one, if there is such a thing? i've talked to a few friends recently who are doing/have done physician assistant school...although, it's still probably several years of full time! i keep thinking these decisions will somehow become clearer the closer we are to making them, but i wonder? i'll email soon:)