here i am, under the full realization that i was truly honeymooning (my pancreas was still releasing its last bit of insulin for me) over the last year. i won't lie, it's hard watching an organ lose function. maybe i'm just emotional right now for other reasons, but i really do get teary-eyed sometimes! it's like, "cut it out!" i haven't enjoyed watching my pancreas slowly 'die'; of course it's not dying, peabody's just.....not functional.
but what does that mean? functional. it's a word we americans use a lot, no? overall, i am functional. i am a functioning member of society. i have functional relationships with some people; and dysfunctional relationships with others.
my immune system does not have a functional relationship with my pancreas.
it really is an emotional time, to have to increase doses, to correct highs and lows, to acknowledge that for instance, the 90 you went into a lecture hall with may leave you at 150 simply because you had to give a nerve-wracking presentation to your colleagues. ah, the things we type 1's get to see happening in ourselves.
whatever the case, i increased my lantus dose last night and woke up to an excellent morning sugar; my first good one in a couple of weeks, really. the day's numbers went well, too. funny, i am eternally grateful for the discovery and use of insulin, but that 1 unit dose increase...man, it's just gets to me because of how deep it hits, how much of a painful reminder it can be that...i am now my pancreas.