Monday, March 30, 2009

i'm fighting the pump~

i know, everyone tells me "once you get on the pump, you'll wonder how you ever lived without it."  
but to be hooked up like that picture you see there....i'm not there yet. 
ya, it's not that bad, but to me, it's that bad:
cyborgish, in a sense. that's how much i shut down when it's suggested by my endo and my cde.
    in medtronic and animas' ads they're all like, "on one side you've got your pump infusing insulin, on the other, you've got your continuous glucose monitor checking your blood sugar every minute."  hmmm, not so much, i say.  sorry, just not feeling the "excitement!!"
but this technology that would be attached to me (helping me no doubt)...i'm still not ready for it. 
and believe me, this has nothing to do with vanity.
to be honest, i'm not having any real problems: my last A1c was great, i manage my highs and lows well. but i've gotta tell ya, exercising and eating certain foods and the monitoring that goes with staying on top of that is certainly frustrating. but i'm fighting the pump because like Dee, my sweet diabetes educator said, "when you go on the pump, i think that's when it really hits you that you've got it."  on some level, i'm still associating the pump with imprisonment by my disease, and yet all the info out there---including from members of the online diabetes community---say it's what frees you.
but i'm not there yet. 
someday, to be sure, i will be.  i've always been a gal who adapts well: i take my time, think things through, really ruminate my thoughts and feelings.  never been rushed or easily pressured.  i just do my thing. because when i make a decision, i am strong and devoted to giving it my best shot.  and honestly, that's all that's going on here.  
so for now, it's just me and peabody and my needles and insulin vials, without any other friends along for the uh, already crazy ride


Scott said...

As one of the few FORMER pump wearers out there, your issues are legitimate concerns and are not to be taken lightly. The reality is this: a lot of pump "evangelists" believe that because a pump was appropriate for them, therefore that same MUST be applicable to everyone who has type 1 diabetes. The statistics are very clear: if you already have good control, a pump is not likely to deliver much improvement in your HbA1c, and that those who benefit most from wearing a pump are either those whose sensitivity to insulin is such that they really need dosage precision of < 1/2 unit, or those whose basal rates vary considerably throughout the day. Having been down that road, I went through the learning curve of wearing a pump, and saw little improvement in glycemic stability, and really hated wearing that thing all the time. It had nothing to do with it sinking in (I had lived with type 1 for over 30 years at the time I wore a pump, and it had already sunk in, thank you very much), but the simple truth is these devices are far from minimally intrusive, and do little to ease the burden of managing the disease. There's still a lot of work the diabetes industry needs to do on that front!!

Lili said...

Most people don't have the CGMS. I know, probably doesn't help.