Saturday, July 25, 2009

flipping it on its head~

it's been a rough summer.
the last of my endogenous beta cell function is so officially gone now.
man, dawn phenomenon has been really, really fun. and of course, the cortisol i must be releasing due to taking over full-time summer classes has really helped the insulin resistance.
i know, i need to stop complaining. my everyday averages are still holding at what comes out to about 6.2% for my A1c, but you know how it goes when you see the averages increasing...increasing...increasing.
ugh.
this is not a very positive post!
but you know what?

on a positive note (LOL)
it really hit me this summer how much more aware of my body i am---in a way that most will never be:
diabetes teaches you when to say when.
and i used to live like that was a bad thing! it was always,
GO!
DON'T STOP!
WORK HARDER!
STUDY MORE!
STRESS MORE!
THINK MORE!

so sad!
and ya, it feels pretty pathetic sometimes to admit that this disease came into my life, affecting every thing i put into my mouth, every stresser i experience, every exercise activity i participate in...and more, but the truth is, i've learned to be kinder to myself. to be grateful for how much more i am aware of what goes into my body, what i allow to affect me, and in reality; just how far i can push myself in ways i never knew i could.
we live in a culture that does not know how to walk the fine line between being kind to oneself and pushing oneself. people seem to be one extreme or the other.

i think having diabetes has taught me how to walk this fine line i myself crossed one too many times before i got diagnosed. a sad way to learn, and man, did i learn it this summer!
i know it wasn't a punishment.
rather, i try to look at it as a very strange, serendipitous.... opportunity.
:)

1 comment:

Hua said...

Hello Emily,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough summer. Just keep your head up, I'm sure things will start going your way. I am impressed by your blog on Type I Diabetes. I think you should have your voice heard by over 6 million monthly visitors who come to Wellsphere's website to seek information on a variety of health related topics. We would like to raise the awareness of [COMMUNITY], and connect you and other people who are in similar situations. Through Wellsphere's HealthBlogger Network, you can engage with others to lend a helping hand for one another.
For more information about joining, please visit http://www.wellsphere.com/health-blogger or email me at hua [at] wellsphere [dot] com.

Hope to hear from you soon!
Hua
Director of Blogger Networks